Memorial Weekend

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2010

Well, 2010 is here and has been full of lots of doctor's appointments, all for the purpose of good health. Many of the fore mentioned appointments has been in regard to my sinus issues which have plagued me since I was at least 9 or 10. I have had allergy issues since that time as well, doesn't really matter what it is, as long as it has fur or skin, or if it grows I am allergic to it. I've been fortunate enough to not be allergic to foods. My allergies include the following, but not limited too: cats, dogs, rabbits, fur, mold, dust, grass, down feathers, corn, pollen, trees, and who knows what else. Since I can't remember when I have also had a box of Kleenexes nearby, I guess you could say I was one of snotty nosed little kids, but you just assume you grow out of that, well as I got older it has turned into asthma, more allergies, skin issues, and more sinus issues.

I've used a rescue inhaler for about 10 years now, but this past year I have decided it was time to deal with the asthma and allergy/sinus issues and do something about it. I spoke with my doctor and she put me on a controller for the asthma and a rescue inhaler as needed, as well as a referral to the ENT. I saw the same ENT four years ago and did allergy testing, that didn't go anywhere other then just confirming what I already knew, that I had allergy/sinus/asthma issues. So, I saw him again and he looked in my nose said that I had sinus issues and said I needed a CT scan to decide where to go with the whole issue. I did the CT scan and went back on the 26th and found what they saw in the CT scan. They found that I have inflammation in all my sinus areas, a large middle turbinate, and a deviated septum. He decided that I need to have endoscopic sinus surgery which includes reduction of the middle turninate and septoplasty.

In my 28 years, I've broken bones, but never had stitches, never been in the hospital, never been under anesthesia. Needless, to say this stubborn girl is a bit nervous and reluctant to go through it all, but the outcome far out weighs the current feeling of always been plugged up, not breathing, fatigue, and lack of sleep. As a result, on the 9th of February I am going to subject myself to surgery and two weeks off work. My mom is coming up next week to help out for a week and a half. Oddly enough, my job is coordinating caregiving, ironically I get to be on the other side of it and be cared for by others. It will be interesting to see how that goes being the recipient of care, but if all goes as planned it all of be worth it on the other side of this "thing."

With that I have had some anxiety over the whole thing, I've never been one to like doctors to begin with, let alone let them cut me and stick tubes down me and cut open my sinus cavity, but as with all things in life, times marches on and so does the healing process. So, in 9 days I will turn over all power to my trusted surgeon and hope that the following two weeks leave me breathing better and hopefully reporting back with a positive story about how great of an idea this was, and for once maybe spring will bring wonderful smells of flower and grass instead of snot and post nasal drip.

Anxiety is also something that has plagued me most of my life, we all go through it, but it has affected me far worse then most ordinary people. I was always called a "worry wort" since I was a little kid. I worried about things constantly, mainly weather and health related things, but as I got older it turned into adult things, finances, marriage, health, and work. Worry affects people in different ways, some people cry, others starve themselves, while still others over analyze things till it's dead. I'd be the last one, the ever conscious head thinker who over rationalizes everything till I am rationalizing what I just rationalized, it's just a large circle.

People tell you, "give it some though, think it through." Yeah, well I do that, a lot, with overkill, then some. Like this whole surgery thing for instance, I've watched all the youtube videos about the surgery and post op, watched a clip of the actual surgery, read reviews, WEBMD, actual stories, doctor recommendations, and other stuff. Why you ask, well because I am a rationalizer, a head thinker, over analyzer, amongst over names you can give it. Now don't get me wrong problem solving has it's high points, but there's point where you have to realize YOU can't do it yourself, no research, no thinking, no reading, no worrying, will make it change the outcome. Being prepared is different, worrying is another.

For two days, I lost sleep over this upcoming surgery, sleep that was much needed, but didn't happen. Thursday God decided that I need to be knocked side the head and realize that "I" can't do this, "I" can't, not at all, not in the least, not happening. There's the old sportmanship motta of, "There's no "I" in "team." Well, there's not, and especially in God team. I can not change my age or height in much as I can't change what God wills.

You may ask, now Dez how does God go about showing you these thing, well this would be it http://on-demand.flcengineering.org/flrod/parenttalk/broadcasts/ptoc20100128.wma

It just simply a radio program, not too exciting, but enough for God to use His Word to show me his will and way. You'd have to listen to the whole thing to understand my whole point, but it came to this. Phillippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Hmmmm........that was easy. Two days of worry, two days of fret, two days of me, two days without God. Two days I don't want to repeat. I decided to just trust God, give up on me, and know that he will bring me through and that I have no reason to worry, just trust

Well, that's enough for now, long blog entry, hopefully this year I will blog more about this and things to come

Dez